Difference between revisions of "Single Adults"

Revision as of 15:20, 17 February 2021

Among the membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are many single adults. Single members of the Church—including those who have never been married, are divorced, have been widowed, and may have children—serve and worship in the Church alongside other members of their wards and branches. Those who are ages 31 and older attend conventional wards. However, "As an exception, stake presidents may recommend the creation of a single adult ward for single adults ages 31–45."[1] Those who are ages 18 to 30 have the option to attend either conventional wards or Young Single Adults wards, branches, and stakes. It is estimated that about one-third of members of the Church are single adults.

In an address delivered to single adults on September 22, 1996, at the Salt Lake Tabernacle, former Church president Gordon B. Hinckley said:

My beloved brethren and sisters, it is a wonderful privilege to be here with you tonight. As you can well imagine, I have the opportunity to speak to many kinds of groups, but there is no group to whom I would rather speak at this time than you. You have come for answers to your concerns and your problems. You have many of them. You want assurance, you want help. I pray for the direction of the Holy Spirit that I may say some things which will be helpful to you.

You are a diverse group. I understand that all of you are over 30. In a sense that is the only thing you have in common, other than your membership in the Lord’s Church. . . .

Though you are so diverse in your backgrounds, we have put a badge on you as if you were all alike. That badge reads S-I-N-G-L-E-S. I do not like that. I do not like to categorize people. We are all individuals living together, hopefully with respect for one another, notwithstanding some of our personal situations.[2]

Leaders in the wards and stakes are encouraged to know that circumstances and interests of their single adult members are varied and that they should be sensitive that "single adults sometimes feel out of place when they attend family-oriented activities and classes."[3]

The stake presidency may determine that single adults in the stake need opportunities to come together for service, gospel learning, and sociality beyond what their wards provide. Therefore, the stake president may assign one of his counselors to oversee the work with single adults in the stake and may also assign a high councilor to assist in this work. A stake single adult committee may be created and that committee may plan ways for single adults to come together for service, gospel learning, and social interaction. Sometimes multistake activities are planned. A bishopric may organized a family home evening group for single adults who do not have children in the home or do not live with their parents, but sometimes single adults themselves group together on their own for family home evening, gospel study, and other activities.

A Family-Oriented Church

Because the family unit is central to the doctrinal and social structure of the Church, single members may sometimes feel isolated, deprived, or uncomfortable.

Professional football quarterback Steve Young, in a 1996 interview with Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes, gave millions of viewers a glimpse at what it is like to be over 30 and single in the Church:

"You want to talk about the pressure I feel? Brigham Young once said … that anyone over 27 years of age that’s not married is a menace to society. So here’s my grandfather telling me to get with it. You don’t think I feel the pressure? I guarantee it."[4]

Although Brigham Young's comment has been quoted frequently, a source has not been found to confirm it.[5] But singles can relate to the pressure Steve Young spoke of.

The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have taught that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children" ("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102). While this family unit is the ideal, many Church members find themselves in a variety of other circumstances. The gospel of Jesus Christ was given by God to bless all His children, without exception, regardless of the family situations in which they find themselves.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said the following:

"Because you do not happen to be married does not make you essentially different from others. All of us are very much alike in appearance and emotional responses, in our capacity to think, to reason, to be miserable, to be happy, to love and be loved.

"You are just as important as any others in the scheme of our Father in Heaven, and under His mercy no blessing to which you otherwise might be entitled will forever be withheld from you.

"You are precious and important to Him. You are precious and important to the Church. You are precious and important to all of us." ("To Single Adults," Ensign, June 1989, 72)

Elder John K. Carmack, emeritus member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, met his wife at a single adult social gathering. In 1989 he offered some advice to those who are single members of the Church. Although given more than 30 years ago, his counsel continues to have merit for single members of the Church.

• The Church’s primary mission is not to dictate individual decisions or to provide a matchmaking service or organization. Nevertheless, the marvelous environment of the Church can be a great help to you in pursuing your quest.
• Marriage is more likely achieved as a by-product of pursuing other useful activities and goals. while temple marriage and family life would be my ultimate goal, whether in this life or beyond, I would be careful not to make it my central focus. Marriage is more likely to come naturally, from living life fully, than by a direct and pointed campaign to achieve that long-range goal.
• The second major point is to keep a spiritual perspective on life. Paul wrote: “For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12.) He also said: “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” (1 Corinthians 15:19.) Judging by surface appearances only, we may sometimes see life as cruel and unfair. I do not find complete fairness in my life or in the lives of those around me. It would be easy to become angry and bitter if I took a short-sighted or temporal view of these things. But I know by inspiration and by scriptural authority that God is both merciful and just. (See, for example, Alma 42.) We just need to see things from his perspective.
• Maintain a loving, tolerant mortal perspective, too. Remember that even spiritual giants begin in embryo. If you are not careful, the ideal—what you hope your spouse will be—can blind you to the numerous good qualities in potential partners. Many eligible Latter-day Saint singles who now might not measure up to your checklist will someday be fine fathers and mothers and respected Church and community leaders.
• If it begins to appear that you will not have the opportunity to marry, continue to be active in good causes, to develop your talents, to improve your mind, to love and serve your friends, and to stay strong and secure in your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Be active in the Church.
• Look outward and away from yourself. Many of us develop the habit of constantly thinking about ourselves, about how we feel and look, or about how we are perceived by others. Constantly looking inward and talking about ourselves is as dangerous as it is boring for those who spend time with us.
• Achieve and maintain self-esteem. It is common to find low self-esteem in the lives of single adults—but it is common among married adults as well. . . . We all need the feeling that we are of value, that we count in life. Single adults need to be especially self-reliant and have healthy self-esteem. Our Heavenly Father can provide that through inspiration and revelation if we stay close to him. (John K. Carmack, “To My Single Friends,” Ensign, Mar 1989, 27)

• Deseret News, "Misunderstood? Why Latter-day Saint millennials just want to be heard"