Difference between revisions of "Latter-day Saints"

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''Latter-day Saints'' is a term used to refer to members of [[The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]]. The term is often shortened to LDS or simply the Saints. The nickname ''Mormons'' is often used to refer to members, but members greatly prefer the term Latter-day Saints or simply LDS.  
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Originally an archaic spelling of the word "Moron" (mormon and moron come from a Latin word for "stupid"), because Mormons didn't mind people calling them ''Morons'' and adopted "''Moron'''" as the name of their religion for the [[lulz]].
  
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Latter-day Saints are known for their devotion to their [[family|families]], integrity, clean and moral lifestyles, as well as their willingness to help others. All of these things are a part of their lives because of the doctrines of the Church. To be considered a worthy member of the Church, a person must abide by the [[Word of Wisdom]], which teaches that members should not partake of alcohol, drugs, or caffeinated drinks such as tea and coffee. They are to eat good foods, exercise, and go to bed early and rise early.
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The principal belief in Mormonism is that the Faithful must wear special underwear, 24/7, even while having [[sex]]. If you should happen to die without your special underwear on, you will be re-incarnated as a [[Negro]].
  
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Members are also expected to abide by a strict [[Mormon law of chastity|code of morality]]. There is to be complete abstinence in sexual relations before marriage, and members are to have sexual relations only with their spouse to whom they are legally married.  
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Many [[Baptist|Baptists]] also wear the special Mormon underwear, "just in case."
  
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In an official declaration made by the Church we read,
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The only thing Mormons have contributed in popular culture is that [[fucking stupid]] movie Napoleon Dynamite. Thanks to the Mormons you have to hear masses of people quoting some lame-ass [[child molester]] with a perm every day for the [[lulz]] factor.
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:The family is ordained of God.... Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.... Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. (The Family: A [[Proclamation to the World]], 1995)
 
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The Church encourages Latter-day Saints to create strong families. They ask all families in the Church to set aside [[Family Home Evening 2|one day a week]] specifically for spiritual teaching and bonding in the family.  
 
  
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From an early age, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are encouraged to show their love for others through service. It is not uncommon to hear of church members providing service at a local nursing home, helping a family in need, sewing quilts or dresses fo humanitarian aid, or providing volunteer work in their community. The idea of serving is further taught through the service that members are asked to provide within the Church. Teachers, bishops, presidencies, those who provide music, and those who assist the ward in any way all do so out of charity, none are paid for their services.  
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'''e.g.'''
  
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Members are also asked to give of their own substance to help those in need. The first Sunday of each month is set apart as [[Fasting|fast Sunday]]. On this day members are asked to go without eating two meals.  They then donate the money they would have spent on those meals (or more) to the Church.  This money is used to help provide for in the area those who have less. Sometimes, the funds are used for a specific group of people or for a specific need. For example, this story was shared by President [[Gordon B. Hinckley]],
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'''Stacy:''' ''DANG Mary, you TOTALLY gave me cancer. GOSH!!''
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:My mind goes back to one Sunday, a few years ago, when the Presidency of the Church asked that our people fast for two meals and consecrate the equivalent value, and more, to help the homeless and hungry in areas of Africa where we had no members, but where there was much of famine and suffering. On Monday morning the money began to come in. There were hundreds of dollars, and then thousands of dollars, then hundreds of thousands of dollars, and then millions of dollars. These consecrated funds became the means of saving many who otherwise might have starved (Gordon B. Hinckley, [[Mormon Should Mean "More Good"| “''Mormon'' Should Mean ‘More Good,’”]] ''Ensign'', Nov. 1990, 51).
 
  
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Latter-day Saints are always encouraged to continue improving and make themselves better.  Again from President Hinckley,
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'''Mary:''' ''Lulz Stacy, can you fetch me my chapstick?'' *Dies in hospital bed*
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:May God help us to be a little kinder, showing forth greater forbearance, to be more forgiving, more willing to walk the second mile, to reach down and lift up those who may have sinned but have brought forth the fruits of repentance, to lay aside old grudges and nurture them no more (Gordon B. Hinckley, "[http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-559-26,00.html Forgiveness]," ''Ensign,'' Nov. 2005, p. 81).
 
  
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To be a Latter-day Saint means a lot of things.  It is a commitment that requires one's heart, might, mind, and strength every day of the week.  Being a Latter-day Saint entails service, love, sacrifice, following high standards, and above all, following Christ.  Latter-day Saints come from all ages and walks of life, speak more than a hundred different languages, and live on six continents.
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Morons are advanced in only one way; using [[women]] in the proper way, as breeding devices.
  
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===For More Information===
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== Mormon 101 ==
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Visit one of the Church's official websites:
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<youtube>D7v_V8qSIIo</youtube>
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* [http://www.lds.org/ www.lds.org]
 
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* [http://www.mormon.org/ www.mormon.org]
 
  
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Or visit one of these websites run by members:
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{{DYK| LDS is almost LSD?}}
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* [http://www.whatmormonsbelieve.org/ www.whatmormonsbelieve.org]
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* [http://www.understandingmormonism.org/index.html www.understandingmormonism.org]
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==The Book of Mormon==
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* [http://www.whymormonism.org/ www.whymormonism.org]
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{{spoilers|text=JESUS DIES.}}
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* [http://blacklds.org/ www.blacklds.org]
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The holiest book in the Mormon faith is the aptly named Book of Mormon. Written by Joseph Smith, it is a widely accepted work of [[fanfiction]] loosely based on the [[Bible]]. In it, Jesus, after having risen from the grave, travels to the New World and tells the Indians about him. Casino Indians, not curry Indians. In the end, Jesus teams up with [[Final Fantasy|Cloud Strife]], Goofy, and [[Inuyasha]] to defeat [[Satan]], who has taken the form of Sephiroth. Jesus becomes Super Saiyan Level 6 and then sacrifices his life again and becomes part of the lifestream, but not before Joseph Smith gathers the power of the planet, or something like that. Then it goes off into how you can get to have your own planet if you're a good Mormon or something, but apparently all the planets are about as shitty as [[Utah]] is. There may also be a part where Joseph Smith fights [[L. Ron Hubbard]] to see who gets to be [[Jedi]] master.
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* [http://www.fairlds.org/ www.fairlds.org]
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[[Category:Mormon Life and Culture]]
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The Book of Mormon was "revealed" to Joseph Smith on twelve golden tablets. When the mushrooms wore off, however, the tablets were nowhere to be found. This was the first of the Mormon Miracles.
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Many people believe that the book teaches love and compassion to families but it really teaches the Kama Sutra to many [[Jedi]] masters and how to to make more money than a Jew in a week. They also teach how to get with Hillary Duff while she is sober and your wife is by your side.
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==What Mormons Do==
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Mormons do plenty of stuff, but a lot of it is unacceptable to most. First, teenagers may not date until they are [[16 year old girl|16 years old]], and not only that, they run MorningStar Farms, a militant [[Vegetarian]] food company, whose products include the famous [[people|Soylent Green]].
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Mormon males also like to engage in having [[at least 100]] wives, many of them [[Pedophilia|children]]. One such Mormon was arrested in [[Las Vegas]]. Not only did this provide [[lulz]], it proved that what happens in Vegas '''doesn't''' stay in Vegas.
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Many Mormons/Morons will go to the laundromat on Thursdays looking for new wives to help them wash their undearwear by hand. One Mormon by the name of Garry Hocking was known to have pimped 100 women at only 14 laundry mats.
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Mormons have been known to [[Mitt Romney|run for president]] on the GOP ticket, despite the fact that they are clearly Mormons and thus have no business being outside of [[Utah]].
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==Notable Fact==
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<blockquote>''In the 1830’s, when men’s pants were first tailored with buttons visible down the front of the fly, the Mormon leader Brigham Young discouraged the population from wearing them, calling them “fornication pants.”''</blockquote>
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==See also==
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*[[Scientology]]
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==External Links==
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*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXOh4g_FLIM Extreme Mormons]
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*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7v_V8qSIIo The startling and moderately campy truth about Mormonism]
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*[http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/08/polygamist.letter.ap/index.html Evidence that Mormons cannot be trusted with power, and also that they are gay with each other]
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*[http://allsp.com/loading.php?url=l.php?id=e108 Trey Parker and Matt Stone's documentary on Mormonism]

Revision as of 21:18, 5 July 2007

Originally an archaic spelling of the word "Moron" (mormon and moron come from a Latin word for "stupid"), because Mormons didn't mind people calling them Morons and adopted "Moron'" as the name of their religion for the lulz.

The principal belief in Mormonism is that the Faithful must wear special underwear, 24/7, even while having sex. If you should happen to die without your special underwear on, you will be re-incarnated as a Negro.

Many Baptists also wear the special Mormon underwear, "just in case."

The only thing Mormons have contributed in popular culture is that fucking stupid movie Napoleon Dynamite. Thanks to the Mormons you have to hear masses of people quoting some lame-ass child molester with a perm every day for the lulz factor.

e.g.

Stacy: DANG Mary, you TOTALLY gave me cancer. GOSH!!

Mary: Lulz Stacy, can you fetch me my chapstick? *Dies in hospital bed*

Morons are advanced in only one way; using women in the proper way, as breeding devices.

Mormon 101

<youtube>D7v_V8qSIIo</youtube>

Template:DYK

The Book of Mormon

Template:Spoilers The holiest book in the Mormon faith is the aptly named Book of Mormon. Written by Joseph Smith, it is a widely accepted work of fanfiction loosely based on the Bible. In it, Jesus, after having risen from the grave, travels to the New World and tells the Indians about him. Casino Indians, not curry Indians. In the end, Jesus teams up with Cloud Strife, Goofy, and Inuyasha to defeat Satan, who has taken the form of Sephiroth. Jesus becomes Super Saiyan Level 6 and then sacrifices his life again and becomes part of the lifestream, but not before Joseph Smith gathers the power of the planet, or something like that. Then it goes off into how you can get to have your own planet if you're a good Mormon or something, but apparently all the planets are about as shitty as Utah is. There may also be a part where Joseph Smith fights L. Ron Hubbard to see who gets to be Jedi master.

The Book of Mormon was "revealed" to Joseph Smith on twelve golden tablets. When the mushrooms wore off, however, the tablets were nowhere to be found. This was the first of the Mormon Miracles.

Many people believe that the book teaches love and compassion to families but it really teaches the Kama Sutra to many Jedi masters and how to to make more money than a Jew in a week. They also teach how to get with Hillary Duff while she is sober and your wife is by your side.

What Mormons Do

Mormons do plenty of stuff, but a lot of it is unacceptable to most. First, teenagers may not date until they are 16 years old, and not only that, they run MorningStar Farms, a militant Vegetarian food company, whose products include the famous Soylent Green.

Mormon males also like to engage in having at least 100 wives, many of them children. One such Mormon was arrested in Las Vegas. Not only did this provide lulz, it proved that what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas.

Many Mormons/Morons will go to the laundromat on Thursdays looking for new wives to help them wash their undearwear by hand. One Mormon by the name of Garry Hocking was known to have pimped 100 women at only 14 laundry mats.

Mormons have been known to run for president on the GOP ticket, despite the fact that they are clearly Mormons and thus have no business being outside of Utah.

Notable Fact

In the 1830’s, when men’s pants were first tailored with buttons visible down the front of the fly, the Mormon leader Brigham Young discouraged the population from wearing them, calling them “fornication pants.”

See also

External Links

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